Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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