Christians are straight up FREAKS
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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