Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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