dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
