I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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