If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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