Girls should come with a carfax report
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize