Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
