I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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