Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
