I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
