It's Friday. Sex?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
