so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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