Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
