So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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