Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
