i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
