I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
