Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
