I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
