took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize