ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize