just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
