Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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