bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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