I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
