Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
