Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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