Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
