I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She bit a glass in half.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
