Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worst night to have a conscience
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
