MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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