I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
