I'm really into asian looking animals
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
