and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
