Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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