I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
