He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
