and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
