this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
