So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
