my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
