My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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