Got a toothbrush?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
