Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
