My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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