summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sext me about skeletons
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
