She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
