she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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