physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this beer tastes like vomit already
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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