..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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