You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
