where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My penis needs a shock collar
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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