Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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