You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
