well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
