we have pet lesbian snakes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
