If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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