Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
