She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
