My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
