If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
