why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
