If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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