How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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