Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
