That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My vagina is very pro this idea
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
