I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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