Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
