the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
