i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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