I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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