sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
