i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize