i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
