You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
