do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
