just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
