Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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