i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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