yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
