I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
