Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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