He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
