well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
